Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
