): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
