cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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