my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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