forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
