I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
