I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
