Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
40s are totally the cure
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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