Farmville is her only friend.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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