So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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