Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
