Just cropdusted the office
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
