so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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