Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
