I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
