how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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