Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
