I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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