When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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