fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
