I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
