During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Acid is not a monday night drug
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
