are you still at the devil's house?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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