I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sext me about skeletons
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
