I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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