You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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