sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
