so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
