So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
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However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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