I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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