I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think i got beer on your cat.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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