I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize