I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
