I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
