We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
