I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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