ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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