It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
