3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
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We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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