I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
