About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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