Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
