Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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