Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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