i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize