Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
