is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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