sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
