Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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