Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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