Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
