At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
