im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
