I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
