How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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