Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it hurts more in the daytime
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i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
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Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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