your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
