This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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