Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
